I've told friends struggling with the sleeplessness, fussiness and the newness of the newborn stage to "Wait. It gets better. Then it gets worse. Then it gets better again!"... (Then repeat for child's entire life).
Does the same apply to being a working mom?
I was doing so well, but today was rough. The tears showed up about 5 minutes into my drive to work. A little Top 40 radio cleared that up, but it is truly hitting me this morning.
Am I really going to be away from my precious girl for 8 or 9 hours a DAY?! I'm leaving her to be fed, changed, played with and loved on by someone else! I'm missing her and missing out and IT SUCKS!
Last night/this morning Lila woke up at 3 and 5:30am, I'm not sure if it was hunger or the storms or what, but we all had interrupted sleep last night. When she stirred at 6:30 I plucked her from the bassinet nearby and put her into our bed to feed her and snuggle. Soon she fell back asleep. She looked so peaceful and beautiful I could've just sat there with Neil and looked at her all day.
I suddenly had a horrible feeling in my gut: I have to leave her today! I have to wake her up, get her dressed and send her to daycare and go to work! Honestly, if I had any vacation days left I probably would've taken one to just cuddle and hang out on the couch.
I can tell the days at childcare are wearing on her a bit. Even though she is happy there, she's not napping well and I think she's a bit overtired and overstimulated from her new life away from home.
It's wearing on me too. Four consecutive work days away from Lila is taking its toll on my heart and I don't even want to know what five in a row feels like. Thank goodness its Friday and I have two whole days with her this weekend.
Here's hoping it gets better. It will get better, right?