Friday, July 8, 2011

Does it get worse before it gets better?

I've told friends struggling with the sleeplessness, fussiness and the newness of the newborn stage to "Wait. It gets better. Then it gets worse. Then it gets better again!"... (Then repeat for child's entire life).

Does the same apply to being a working mom?

I was doing so well, but today was rough. The tears showed up about 5 minutes into my drive to work. A little Top 40 radio cleared that up, but it is truly hitting me this morning.

Am I really going to be away from my precious girl for 8 or 9 hours a DAY?! I'm leaving her to be fed, changed, played with and loved on by someone else! I'm missing her and missing out and IT SUCKS!

Last night/this morning Lila woke up at 3 and 5:30am, I'm not sure if it was hunger or the storms or what, but we all had interrupted sleep last night. When she stirred at 6:30 I plucked her from the bassinet nearby and put her into our bed to feed her and snuggle. Soon she fell back asleep. She looked so peaceful and beautiful I could've just sat there with Neil and looked at her all day.

I suddenly had a horrible feeling in my gut: I have to leave her today! I have to wake her up, get her dressed and send her to daycare and go to work! Honestly, if I had any vacation days left I probably would've taken one to just cuddle and hang out on the couch.

I can tell the days at childcare are wearing on her a bit. Even though she is happy there, she's not napping well and I think she's a bit overtired and overstimulated from her new life away from home.

It's wearing on me too. Four consecutive work days away from Lila is taking its toll on my heart and I don't even want to know what five in a row feels like. Thank goodness its Friday and I have two whole days with her this weekend.

Here's hoping it gets better. It will get better, right?


  1. Hey! I found your blog through The Workaholic Momma. I, too - am a working mom. Mine little girl is 10 months old...we started her at Montessori School when she was 12 weeks. I totally get what you are going through, but I promise it WILL get better...and probably sooner than you think! The first step - make sure you love(and I mean LOVE) the place you're sending your Lila for daycare...if you aren't 100% happy then you will never be close to 100% guilt-free! Give it some time and soon you will start noticing the positive changes. Lila will adjust to the new schedule, your morning and evening routines will turn into clockwork. She'll be socialized and eventually you'll see that she looks forward to playtime. Good luck!

  2. It definitely gets better. It never gets easier to kiss them goodbye in the mornings, but it does get easier to get through your day. In the end, she will learn so much from being in that environment!

  3. heart is just breaking for you reading this post:( My girl is 9 months old and I remember everything you are feeling right now and although you'll never loose the longing to be with your girl ALL will settle into a routine and things will get easier. I will def ease into going back by working a week or two of half days with the next baby because I think I needed that but I'm good now and I know what I'm doing is best for our family. Sending hugs your way and wishes for a wonderful weekend:)

  4. stopping by from Jennas
    Im also a working mom and it is really hard especially that first month. It does get easier as times goes on.

  5. I am also a working mom... my kids are 5 and 2. Yes, it was hard in the beginning. I felt like I was missing out on so much. But I developed the attitude of "it didn't happened if I didn't witness it!" So rolling over, first words, first steps never happened at daycare, it only happened when I saw it!

    I don't mean to upset you, but in some ways it's harder to leave them now than when they were babies. When they were little, they didn't know they were being left. Now they know, and it upsets them! It's hard to watch my 2-year-old run into the arms of his daycare provider, but it's even harder to leave my 5-year-old in tears, as she's begging me to stay.

    So, yeah, it's hard. But at the same time, I wouldn't have it any other way. I cherish the precious moments I have with my kids, but I also cherish the adult time I have away from them, and the fulfillment I get from my career.

    Good luck to you! Give your baby girl an extra hug and kiss!

  6. my friend also dealt with leaving her kiddos and i agree with the lady above.. it think it was easier for her when they were younger. but my mom worked almost my whole life (she started after i was about 4) and from a kid's perspective.. it's really good for them to be socialized! :) i hope you start to feel better!