Breastfeeding, tv and mommy guilt

I read an article the other day about how bad it is to watch tv (or text or play on your phone/ipad/laptop) while you breastfeed. Immediately, the mommy guilt crept in. I must be a terrible mother because I don't constantly gaze lovingly at my child while I'm feeding her.

Well, I do gaze at her and stroke her face and talk to her and all those things... But I'm pretty sure if that's ALL I did while she eats I'd either go nuts, quit breastfeeding or both.

I've actually done a whole host of things while nursing: putting on makeup, reading a book, writing blog posts (like this one), talking on the phone, eating countless meals (practically all of them) and yes, catching up on the DVR and watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. I actually don't know when or if I'd ever do any of those things other than when I'm feeding the baby.

There is a ton of stuff to worry about or feel guilty about as a parent. Even when you go with your gut and do all you can there is still that fear that you might be failing and will screw up your kid for life.

Even just with feeding the baby, moms are made to feel bad if you formula feed, or don't breastfeed long enough or you breastfeed past a year and a half or 2 years. I sometimes feel guilt about going back to work, for not at least trying cloth diapers, for not having my baby on a good nap schedule, and on and on...

Well I'm trying to release the guilt. I'm doing the best I can and I'm doing what works for me and my family. So, I will continue to multitask while feeding Lila, but I know these moments are fleeting so I will definately try to gaze at her just a little bit more.

Random thoughts

- So Neil has had a break from school the last couple weeks and I'm getting spoiled having him home every evening! He starts up again the 17th for his last 12 weeks of grad school. We'll both be so ready to have our evenings back to "normal"... Well our new normal!

- Lila is going through a growth spurt or a big developmental transition I think. The last couple days she has been fussier, clingier and hungrier than normal. I hope this passes soon!

- Breastfeeding is kind of wearing me out. Mostly due to the recent growth spurt. I know it's best but it's so exhausting physically and mentally. I'm worried about my supply, trying to pump enough to make a stash for work and Lila is starting to eat like a newborn again: every 1.5 - 2 hours for 30-45 mins at a time. Neil has been feeding her a bottle of pumped milk at night just to give me a little break, but she usually still wants the real thing. I so admire women who do this for 1-2+ years but admittedly I also envy people that do formula! I think this is just a rough patch, though. I'm still soldiering on!

- It's garage sale season! Last year after we found out I was pregnant, we got tons of baby stuff at yard sales and craigslist. We went to some last weekend and got a high chair, a take a long swing, 2 sun hats, a bunch of pants for Lila and a few toys too. I love bargains!

- Our bestest friends Sy and Elizabeth are getting ready to have their baby soon. The due date is May 10 and the gender is a delivery surprise. I'm so excited to meet this little girl or boy and Lila is thrilled to have a baby "cousin" to grow up with. Hurry up baby, I want to cuddle a squishy newborn again!

- We have found a daycare for Miss Lila. I was dreading this decision, but I think we found a good place. It's an in-home daycare about 10 min from our house. I have a great feeling about it and there is even another baby girl close to Lila's age starting at the same time. She'll have a little friend! I return to work on June 29. I'm both excited and sad, but having a good daycare has eased my mind a lot.

- I started running again. Well I have once, haha and it was definately a run/walk combo! I'm doing the "couch to 5k" program to work my back up to running 30 mins in a row. I started on week 3 of the plan and I'll hopefully stick with it. I'd love to do the Redlegs Run again this year. Last year I was 5 weeks pregnant and didn't know it yet! Hopefully running will help me lose some more baby weight... I'm still about 15 lb from my pre-pregnancy weight and none of my clothes fit!

Okay enough random thoughts for now!

Lila at 2 months

Lila turned 2 months on Saturday! She has changed so much in the last month!

Weight - 11 lb, 4 oz ~ 40th %
Length - 23 in ~ 60th %
Head circumference - 15 ~ 50th %
Lila is still pretty average in size, just a bit on the longer/leaner side. She's definitely not a chunky, fat-roll kind of baby.

Diapers: Still size 1, and we still go thru 8-10 a day!

Clothes: 0-3 months and 3 month sizes and some 3-6 months. Some of her sleepers are getting too short and she's outgrown her Swaddleme wrap which was for up to 12 lbs.

Eating: Lila has spaced out her feedings to about every 3 hours during the day and hasn't had many crazy cluster feeding sessions this month. She's still doing really well with nursing and has also taken a bottle a few times from Neil or my mom. I'm trying to pump and start a freezer stash but I can't seem to find the time to pump, wash bottles etc while I'm trying to take care of her during the day. I only have 4 oz in the freezer, ha ha! Better get going on that.

Sleep: She is really hitting her stride with sleeping, usually around 7 consecutive hours a night from around midnight - 7am. Sometimes she falls asleep early (like 10:30) and will sleep til 6 or so. She still has her nights where she wakes up at 3:30 or 4 ready to eat, but goes right back to sleep. In the next few months I'm hoping to try to get her to sleep earlier (and 8:30 or 9 would be awesome!) just to make sure she's getting enough sleep and to give Neil and I some time together in the evenings. I also want to try to start doing a short bedtime routine with her. She's still sleeping in our bedroom in her bassinet, and still enjoys being swaddled.

Developmental milestones:

- Started really cooing (mostly Ahh sounds, but some Oohs and some consonants like Gaa)
- Rolled over from belly to back (just once and it took her forever!)
- She's smiling a lot and early in April started giggling! It's the best sound ever!!
- We do tummy time everyday and she doesn't really like it, but she can lift her head pretty well and get up on her knees for a bit
- She can sometimes put her own pacifier back in her mouth when it falls out
- She can bear some weight on her legs while we hold her up
- Seems to recognize mommy and daddy's voices
- Seems to be seeing a lot better and for longer distances
- Has a much longer attention span and awake times
- Looks at and bats at toys

Appearance:

- Her eyes are much bluer, hair on top much blonder. She still has dark hair in the back
- Still looks like a pretty equal mix of me and Neil. Of course some people say she looks just like me, or just like Neil!
- Her hands are so big now! Her feet really haven't grown that much. She can wear newborn shoes (0-6 weeks)
- Baby acne cleared around 6 or 7 weeks. She still has her splotchy moments, but looks so much better!

Firsts:

Trip out of town - To Portsmouth (2 hour drive) at 5 weeks. Slept the whole drive and did great staying at my parents' house!

Restaurant - At almost 6 weeks we went to a casual restaurant with Elizabeth and Rachel. She slept the whole time!

Store - 6 weeks old to Target

Favorites:

Okay I realize I'm a crazy mom, but I really do think she has some favorites or preferences already!

Songs - I sing to her all the time! Our favorites: "Edelweiss" from Sound of Music, "Goodnight my Someone" from Music Man, "Tonight" from West Side Story, "You Are My Sunshine", "Beautiful Beautiful Brown Eyes" (changed to BLUE of course), "Someone to Watch Over Me" by Gershwin, "Baby Mine" from Dumbo, "As Long As You're Mine" from Wicked... Can we say Broadway Baby?!

Color - Can she even see colors yet? Haha.. it's probably pink!

Animal - I swear she reacts more to cows than any other animal in books, etc..

Blanket - Pink and white striped one from her Great Grandma Miller

Lila loves:

Her carseat, and car rides
Being rocked
Her pacifier (didn't like it in her first month)
Ceiling fans and light fixtures
Bathtime and naked time until she gets cold!
Being held
Music!
Daddy's laugh
Her grandparents
Taking walks

Lila doesn't like:

Tummy time
Shots!
Missing her naps
Being cold
Her swing (side to side)

She's really a joy. I understand now what people mean about how amazing it is to be a parent. I love her unconditionally and wholeheartedly! She is such a good baby and makes us laugh all the time. It's not always easy or fun, but I really I'm trying to cherish every moment with her.

My life has changed so much since she's arrived. In some ways I miss how it used to be: the sleep, the alone time, my old body, eating at a leisurely pace, and especially time with Neil. But, it's getting easier and better everyday and totally worth it. She is growing up before our eyes and time is flying by! I can't wait to see how she changes in the next month. Happy 2 month birthday Miss Lila!

Two months:

Happy Easter!

Lila had a great first Easter. She got to see her all of her aunts, uncles, cousins and got to love on all four grandparents. We went to church with Neil's parents for Easter, had an Easter lunch with my family, and got to show off Lila to a bunch of people. I just wish the weather would've been nice! But we really had a great weekend!

Here are some photos from the last few days:

2 Month Appointment Update

Lila had her 2 month well baby check up on Tuesday. She had to get 4 shots, poor girl. She did really well! Only cried for a bit and then fell asleep. I did give her baby tylenol beforehand so I think that might have helped.

Lila is now 11 lb 4 oz and 23 in long. She's still pretty average in size and growing well.

We saw the pediatrician that I don't like as much. She is fine, just not as pro-breastfeeding and more rigid than Dr Peck. She encouraged us to try to move Lila out of the basinette in our bedroom into her crib. I'm so not ready for that. She also said to start a bedtime routine and try to put her down sleepy but not asleep and to try not to nurse her to sleep.

I still think 2 months is a little young to be able to self soothe to sleep, but we are going to try it a little. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to get a baby to sleep, whatever it takes!

I know we need to work on her to go down on her own for naps in preparation for childcare. Speaking of that I have two promising leads! One near home and one near work. As much as I'd like her to be near me during the day, I think closer to home will be better. That way Neil and I can share drop off/pick up duties, we can still take her if I'm home sick, and I can run errands before I pick her up. The place is also right next to our peditrician, the hospital and Kroger! Im going to check it out on Monday.

So Lila is 8 weeks, almost 2 months old! We are home visiting the grandparents for Easter. I'll be sure to post pics of Lila's Easter outfit this weekend!

Sleeping, eating and freedom!

So my last post was 2 weeks ago (I’ve been a little busy!) and let me tell you life with a 5 week old and life with a 7 week old could not be more different! Lila has changed so much, has done so many new things and is in a lot of ways a very different baby. All for the best, I might add.

Sleep...

If you read my musings on life with a 5 week old, there was of course a lot of talk about sleep. Lila was only taking tiny catnaps during the day and going to bed around 11:30, waking once or twice at night and then up at 6 or 7. Since then, Lila has (knock on wood) been pretty much sleeping through the night. Pretty impressive for a breastfed baby! I’m talking in the last week, she (and Neil and I) have had 6-8 consecutive hours of sleep at night, mostly 11ish to around 6.

We still have an off night every once in a while when she wants to eat at 3am, but for the most part she sleeps a pretty long stretch. Last night, she slept from 10:30pm to 6:15am! Now, we’ve in no way tried to train her or make her sleep through the night. I really didn’t mind the middle of the night feedings all that much, actually. So I’m giving her all of the credit! I think she just loves sleeping. I’m pretty sure she gets that from Neil, who can sleep 9 hours, eat breakfast, and then be ready for another nap!

In addition to her great nighttimes, she’s been sleeping better during the day too. She still has some days where she rarely naps or only takes 20 minute catnaps, but she’s been better at taking longer naps during the day. Today she’s had 3 or 4 pretty good naps. She's sleeping now, so I can write this post! I also got a shower earlier. Score!

Lila sleeps swaddled in her bassinet at night and during the day she sleeps mostly in my arms after a feeding, in her carseat or on the couch. She’s a great back sleeper but I try to get her on her side sometimes to avoid a flat head! She also loves sleeping on Neil's chest.

Another thing I’ll mention regarding sleep is something that helps Neil and I rest much easier. A lot of parents spend time worrying about their baby during the night, and are constantly checking their breathing, especially during the peak time for SIDS, 2-4 months. We are using a Snuza Halo movement monitor at night. It clips to her diaper and monitors her breathing and movement. If the monitor detects no movement after 15 seconds it vibrates and it alarms after 30 seconds. We’ve had a couple false alarms because of me putting it on her wrong, but overall we love it!

And... feedings.

Lila is a great eater and we’re thinking she’s about 11 lbs. We’ll know for sure next Tues. at her 2 month appt. She’s still exclusively breastfed and it’s still going well. I’m trying to pump more to start a reserve for my return to work in a couple months. We also need to start giving her a bottle occasionally to make sure she’ll take one when she has to! She’s doing less of the cluster feeding at night, but pretty much eats every 2 hours during the day. Sometimes she’ll go 2.5 or 3 but not very often.

Getting out of the house = Happy baby and happy mommy

My pediatrician recommended keeping her inside and away from crowds until 6 weeks of age. It’s been so great to have the freedom to get out of the house with her. We’ve gone to Panera, Chick-fil-A, Target, Walmart and my favorite place, TJ Maxx. It makes such a difference getting out for a walk and some kind of outing everyday. For the most part she does very well as long as I make sure to time things well and bring what we need. I have still not nursed in public yet, but did in the car while Neil ran in a store. She loves being out and having something different to look at. She usually sleeps in restauants and stores but I’ve had times where she just sits there looking content while I shop!

I've also greatly appreciated both of our sets of parents coming up to give us a break from the baby. My mom was here yesterday and watched Lila while I shopped on my own. I felt like myself again! Mom was also here early enough on Wednesday so I could go to Zumba! I haven't done it forever and forgot how fun it is!

Lila has had a lot of milestones and firsts this month, but I’ll save those for next week's monthly update!

And of course some pictures from the last couple weeks:

Where did my newborn go?

A day in the life with a 5-week old

I wanted to try to track how much Lila is actually sleeping and if there is actually some kind of predictability with our day. Although I do write down all her feedings, I thought it'd be fun to record what we do all day (24 hr period). This day is pretty normal except Neil is in class from 6-10 and I don't have any visitors lined up for tonight. So it's all me today!

11:30-12:15am - feeding and down for the night in her bassinet

2:15am - feeding and diaper change

3am - back to sleep in bassinet

6:30am - up right before Neil's alarm, time to eat!

7:15am - Neil holds her while I pee, fill up my water cup, and make a quick bagel

7:30am - screaming and crying, I change her but thats not the problem. Lila is apparantly still hungry. Another quick feeding!

7:50 - 10am - morning nap for both of us

10-10:15am- I run around like crazy until she wakes up. I change clothes, bathroom, laundry, grab a snack, etc

10:15am- diaper change, go up to her room to change out of pjs

10:30am - feeding

11:15 - 11:40am - diaper change, play, sing

11:45 - 12:15 - Looks tired. She falls asleep in my arms. Try to put her down in swing. Nope. Crying! Pick her up. Falls asleep in arms again after rocking her. Put her down in bassinet. I make a lean pocket for lunch. (I eat a lot of things that can be prepared and eaten with one hand). She's awake and crying 2 minutes later!

12:15pm - feeding. I eat my "lunch", catch up on emails, texts, watch Dvr'd show from last night.

1:30pm - Finally, she's asleep!

1:40pm - Nevermind. Awake.

1:50 - 2:30pm - cold walk outside! Lila is sleeping!

2:30 - 3:30 - still sleeping in carseat inside the house

3:30 - 4:45 - diaper change and feeding, music and playing

5-5:45 - took a drive in the car, got dinner, nap until 7

Feeding every hour 7, 8,and 9! Diaper changes and short naps in there too. Kind of losing my mind at this point!

10pm - Neil home! Mommy gets a bathroom and snack break! Lila pretty fussy.

11 - 11:30pm - Neil trying to get Lila to sleep. We use the 5 S's. Swaddling, put her on her side, swinging/rocking, shushing/white noise... The fifth S is sucking, a la a pacifier. Unfortunately Lila prefers me to a pacifier.

11:50pm - Asleep in bassinet.

11:51: Awake and screaming. One last quick feeding.

Midnight - Asleep on Neil's chest in bed. Eventually he moved her to the bassinet.

Wow. What a day. She did well overnight. Only waking to eat around 2:30. Then she slept until 8am! I even got to shower!

And now it's another day!